I couldn't help but feel like I was 5 years old again when I walked up to the school yesterday for my first day of class. Uneasy, nervous, feeling especially small.
I managed to make it through the morning without being physically sick, onto the bus and to school on time (I'm horrible for being late.) I drowned out the people around me on the bus with my headphones, trying to distract myself from what I was about to do since I didn't have a great experience with school previously. We constantly moved around during my primary years and never being able to build stable friendships really took its toll on me mentally, to the point where I didn't know how to connect with people anymore come high school. So an eclectic mixture of music has always been a comfort of mine, and on this particular day SOAD and CCR seemed to do the trick. Not to mention a little 90's dance music (one of my many guilty pleasures) to top it off.
An odd sense came over me when I walked into that building. I said good morning to the woman behind the desk, and she smiled at me. I felt welcome and I felt like I was finally on a human level with everyone else that walked those halls...if that makes any sense at all. I found my classroom okay, but there were other students in it (which threw me of a little). But, it turns out they were in the wrong class, not me, so that was a bonus. :)
My instructor is way better than I expected. He is extremely intelligent, well-mannered, and has an amazing sense of humour. Plus, it helps that he cares about what he does. That showed through clearly, even just from this first class. One thing I noticed was he's a bit biased when he's speaking about certain topics. Not often enough to be detrimental to what he's teaching, but enough for me to notice. I can see us having some really intriguing discussions down the road.
There are only 3 people in my class right now, so that is very tolerable in terms of my social anxiety levels. I actually spoke up a few times, and felt completely free to answer questions if I could. If I had of had any questions, I'm sure I would have felt comfortable asking them as well. But I think my learning style is a little different than others. I tend to not have questions until the very end when I'm trying to piece together everything I just learned into one big picture.
It's a lot more work than I anticipated though. So much reading! One chapter a day, one assignment a day, two exams, plus projects in between, before this one is finished. I guess that's the name of the game, but goodness only knows how I'm going to get all of this done with a two and a half year old that thinks pen and paper are for her to draw with whenever they are out.
In terms of the blog, I have gotten a bunch of nothing accomplished this last week! It has been a week full of heightened anxiety levels because of the start of school approaching. Now that I've gotten through the first day, I am hoping that my anxiety will lessen and I'll be able to get at least one review done. I hate making people wait. It weighs heavily on me, but I have to be sure that I am taking care of my health first. I'll get there. :) I promise.
I'm sifting through my neglected inbox today, writing out this post quickly, and then taking the rest of the day to celebrate Canada Day with my daughter! It is so cold outside we are most likely just going to stay in, but I want to be sure to spend as much quality time with her as possible now that I won't be seeing her as much on a daily basis. I didn't realize how much time I would be spending away from her four days of the week. It kind of makes me sad, but at the same time, I am telling myself that this will better us both in the long run.
Happy Canada Day to all of my fellow Canadians!! I hope you are spending it however you want to.
