Going Slowly, but Still Going

Some may have noticed that things have been slow going around here, some may not have. Either way, life has been a tad overwhelming lately. Just a warning, this is probably going to be a lengthy post.

At the end of my last post, I had mentioned that I decided on the business administration course at a local college. Last week I attended a meeting with a really welcoming lady, who introduced me more to the program and the school itself. I did an entrance test, which was almost too easy, took a keyboarding speed test, which I pretty much conquered (88 wpm, woo hoo!) and did a quick computer usage test. That one I must have passed because I didn't hear anything else about it. Since I want to start as soon as possible, I decided to enroll for the June 30th start date with a start date in October as plan B. Then we took the time to talk about the challenges that may pop up and prevent me from succeeding in school.

So far, stable housing  and child care are the problems. I've been living with my family members since becoming a single Mom and have been really dependent on them financially while I am trying to get back on my feet. It seems that I've worn out my welcome though, and it is time to move on. My only problem is I have no where to go. I've applied for all of the subsidized housing organizations I can think of, and so far no one has a place for Emily and I, even after I tell them the situation. I hate to say it, but it certainly is starting to feel like they don't care. Like they are just there to do their job, get their pay and go home. Perhaps that's just the negativity in me speaking, but sometimes it is hard to look at the positives when there are such huge obstacles.

Goodness knows I can go rent an apartment in a more dangerous part of the city if I wanted to go that route, but I would like to see another day, and I would like not to fear being out past dark, especially in the winter when the sun goes down early. Ah, who am I kidding? The real crazies know to come out in the day when they are least expected. Anyway...

Finding daycare, or should I say affordable daycare, is another waiting game...and waiting games are especially cruel for us anxious folk. Luckily I've had a couple of offers from relatives to watch Emily while I'm in school, so that is a little bit of pressure off. Though my career development counselor is saying that would be acceptable, she is still wanting me to move towards subsidized of course.  But I'm glad that it's not as much of an obstacle as the housing thing.

To top off all of those worries, my lap top is looking like it might be on it's way out, which is a HUGE problem for me as a blogger. It doesn't stay on for more than 15 or 20 minutes without overheating. It's disheartening to say the least. Please forgive my slow replies to emails, and slow posting. My main priority at the moment is just trying not to get physically sick with my anxiety, being a good Mom, and trying to find a (stable) roof to put over our heads so this lady can keep moving her family in the right direction.

I'm sure everything will fall into place, it usually does...at the last minute, probably why I'm hardly ever prepared for the good stuff. I've always been one to prepare for the worst.

I guess that's the difference between Me now, and Me a year ago. Even while I'm feeling bogged down by life's challenges, I'm still preparing to attend my first day of class on June 30th. And I probably won't give up on the idea until July 1st. :)

I've still got about a month.

Learning to Live Again

March 1st already? It feels like it was just a few weeks ago that I was promising myself to stick to an exercise routine and get back in shape in time for spring. Well, here it is the beginning of March already, and that exercise routine has been long gone for a good month or two already.

I started off dedicated, but slowly tapered off as time seemed to pass quicker and quicker. I even took a month off of updating the blog with new posts, just to catch up on things in my personal life, as well as write at least a few of my outstanding reviews. I was honestly questioning if I should continue or not. It's been a slow process since starting back up at the beginning of February, but I feel so much better now that I'm back in the swing of things!

I didn't realize how much blogging has actually helped me, especially in coping with my anxiety. It's good to be a part of such a supportive community, and I'm glad that I decided not to stop all together. I just couldn't give up on this. If you asked me a few years ago if I was going to start posting again, I can almost guarantee you that my answer would have been no. That's how I know that I've made a lot of progress when it comes to the anxiety/depression part of life.

Lately, in between posts, I've been busy "spring" cleaning, if you will. Maybe it's a tad early, but for some reason I had this overwhelming need to start going through closets, drawers, toy boxes, papers, pretty much everything. I boxed up what can be stored/donated until we move, and threw away what needed to go in the garbage (finally). Not quite done, but it's a work in progress. I'm also in the process of getting back into school. I'm hoping to start in September, but we'll see. I've got my eye on an entrepreneur or business course. I go for testing in a couple of weeks with Essential Skills Manitoba to see whereabouts my skill sets are, and if I am a good fit to go back to school or if I require upgrading beforehand.

Since October, I've only been physically sick with my anxiety attacks one day. Want to know something sad, but true? That's a record for me.

For the last...well, almost ten years now, I was sick pretty much every day. And if not every day, then every second day. It affected everything I did, and so now, I feel like I'm learning to live again.

What are you doing now that it's March?

Baby Bullet Giveaway!

Welcome to The Baby Bullet Giveaway

Sponsor:  NutriLiving

Hosted by:  Central Bargains & Giveaways

 

When Emily was transitioning from formula to solids I started off using just buying jarred baby food. But, not only did that become expensive really fast, I saw all kinds of product recalls! I began making our own homemade baby food as a healthier alternative to jarred foods and as a way to make sure I knew exactly what was going into her food. I didn't have the opportunity to try the Baby Bullet, but perhaps for our next addition, when the time comes. You can read along for a review, and don't forget to enter for a chance to win one of your own!

 "I do have some wonderful news about Baby Bullet. It does have a lot to offer and here is how I enjoyed it so far. When I received it – I checked all the parts. I washed the parts I needed to use immediately and set them aside and began reading the booklet.

 

The Table of Contents is pretty extensive and impressive giving the consumer a good idea why this product is a wise purchase.  First of all, homemade food can never be compared to over-processed and over-priced foods. I also like the fact that I don’t need jars to store the food I just prepared. Seriously, I learned that all these jars need to be recycled at one point or another. No thank you!

 

In the food directions, I noticed that most foods are steamed. I did take that approach for certain veggies except for potatoes and squash… those, I baked nicely covered with a little homemade broth. Apples and pears are a great combination – I baked them (skin on) with some added water and covered it. I remembered the Allergy Alerts provided in the booklet. All turned out well.

 

 

I liked the rice, chicken and peas purée – baby eats what we eat but with less salt and seasonings. Basically, I am in control of added sugars, added salt or any additional ingredient since this preparation becomes a unique blend for my baby whose case is “sensitive”.

 

Baby Bullet has been conceived to grow with your baby. The booklet is full of recipes even some pancakes or scrambled eggs with veggies will be a cinch to make. Just enough for baby or maybe, just enough for the whole family.  I made some salsa with avocado for dinner. The tacos were delicious. It just doesn’t stop there, let your imagination grow with it. Besides, Baby Bullet is awesomely cute."

 

“How to purée and all the assembling is easy as well as the cleaning and that’s always a big bonus..”

 

Each Box contains:

• 6-date dial storage cups,
• spatula,
• 1 short cup,
• 1 stay fresh resealable lid and tip proof tray,
• user manual and recipe book, pocket nutritionist
• Make and store baby food in batches with batch tools and the handy, dated storage system
• Baby Bullet is a trademark of Homeland Housewares, LLC
   

Giveaway: One Lucky Winner will received a Baby Bullet in our giveaway which starts on February 19, 12h01am EDT and Ends on March 6 at 11h59pm  - All entries will be checked. The winner will have 48 hours to reply to the email or another winner will be drawn at random.  CANADA and Continental of USA can enter and must be 18 yrs old + 
 

Entry-Form
 

Disclaimer: Central Bargains and Giveaways was provided with The Baby Bullet for Review purposes and all participant bloggers are not responsible for shipment of said prize.

Celebrating the One's You Love- Our Valentine's Day

This seems to be the year for celebrating! When Valentine's Day rolled around this time, I actually felt motivated to do some special activities with Emily. She's gotten to the perfect age to start doing crafts, games and the like.

I had no idea what I was in for, so I made sure to have a clear space and a lot of different materials to use. We had plans to make Valentine cards for everyone and some cookies.

It took us a few days, but we did it! I made us some cookies to decorate (I had wanted to make the kind that you roll out and use cookies cutters with, but it turned out to be a roll and drop dough. That'll teach me to read the recipe all the way through next time lol). Emily didn't do as much decorating as she did licking the icing off of the top of the very first cookie I gave her. So I made sure to give her her own cookies to work on, with her own icing and sprinkles. After sticky hands and a sticky face cleaned up, I finished the rest while she ran off the sugar buzzing through her veins. I don't often let her load up on sweets, but since it was a special occasion, it was okay.

We used construction paper, glitter glue pens, markers, pastels, and some stickers to make our valentine's. Nothing fancy, just letting her get her hands dirty. :) She loved it.

After all was said and done, Emily went off to see her Grandparents and Aunties for the weekend, while I got the opportunity to spend it with my special someone. We spent the days together continuing our Dexter marathon, and exchanged our handmade gifts. It was absolutely perfect! I'm glad I got to spend it with my loved one's.

What did you do for Valentine's Day?

7 Things Becoming a Single Mom Has Taught Me

This is a hard post to write. Mainly because it's hard to admit to failures in life, generally. But also because sometimes it's even harder to find the successes in those failed ventures.

To back up a little, Living As We started as a way to share about my journey as I struggled to find a balance between finding me, while living as "we". At the beginning the "we" was three people. Now, Emily and I are busier than ever, finding our way just the two of us.

I never really got into much of my personal life on here. There was a good reason for that. I've wanted to try and keep this blog as my positive place. Somewhere I can go to share triumphs, discuss fears, and hopefully help a few people along the way. When a relationship is on its last legs there's not always going to be good things to say. So, I just chose to stay quiet.

Instead of being angry, I want to focus on the good that comes with the bad because being a single mom has been a very eye-opening experience. Here are some of the greatest lessons I've learned so far.

Don't be afraid to accept help. I have never been someone to ask for help, as much as I may have needed it. I always had the mindset that there was someone out there that needed help more. It's given me a lot of strength to learn that it's okay to ask for help, and taken more courage than I thought I had in me, to admit that I needed it.

Be Strong. This means so much. I'm talking mentally, physically....the works. Physically the toll on my body showed quickly. Not only does Emily's energy level seem to increase as she grows, but there is now only me to make sure all of that energy is exhausted. I've had to shift more of my focus into getting fit. Not only do I need to keep up but I need to be able to outlast her if I ever plan on getting any work done both on the blog, and in our home. I have to say that since I've started exercising I have more energy, I sleep better, feel better and look better. Emily loves it too! She joins right in, whether by hopping on my back while I'm planking or mimicking my squats.

 Being mentally and emotionally strong has become priority too. Simply because if I weren't, if I'm not, we won't make it. And that is not an option in my books. It takes a choice to be happy, to see the good in the bad, to find the positive instead of the negative. And when I can't see any of that, it means taking that negative and me turning it into something positive. It takes digging a little deeper than I ever thought possible because Emily and I deserve it.

Set a better example. We're working on our eating habits currently. I found myself asking why Emily asked for cookies, chips and chocolate for breakfast. Probably because I cared more about getting her a healthy meal. I'd forget to eat, and eventually grab for the "snacks" to hold me over. Of course she would want to do what I'm eating. In changing my habits, she's wanting to change hers. This goes for brushing our teeth, eating habits, exercising, washing hands, picking up toys, garbage, clothes...pretty much everything we do.

Own your mistakes. I am one of those people who tend to learn the hard way. Needless to say that's led to me having made a LOT of mistakes in my past. Who hasn't, right? The key has been admitting when I was wrong. All I can really do is apologize, show gratitude where it's deserved, and be a better person moving forward. That's exactly what I intend to do. Mistakes are important to make. As long as you learn from them and know not to repeat them, then it wasn't a waste of your time.

Be a better friend. Friends are something that I've not really pursued in a long time. When you move around every couple of years and suffer from pretty crippling anxiety/depression, the idea of friendship can be a daunting, fairly foreign topic. I love people (as much as I say I hate them). I love them. There are so many good people in this world. If I let all the bad peope in my life deter me from pursuing the good people that are out there, that is truly an injustice to myself and to others. I know now that I deserve friends, and that I have the ability to bring some good to others lives as well letting them bring some good to mine. Hold on to the good ones and don't let go. They are few and far between.

Be Honest. Capital H. To myself and to others. I think deep down we all know what's bothering us. I think it's a fear of the reaction and the unknown that makes so many of us bite our tongues. Just let it out people! If you know what's bothering you, talk about it. If you don't, well....talk about it! I'm sure you'll find the answers you're looking for if you start asking yourself the right questions. If you are holding something back, don't! If people can't deal with the truth, that's their problem. Face the truth, as hard as it seems. You'll feel a lot better. I don't mean be hurtful, but be honest. If you can't find something nice to say find a tactful way to express yourself. If you can change what is bothering you, do it. Even if it's a little bit each day. If you can't change it, be aware of that, and just let it go. Make that choice to put it out of your mind. Why? Because there's no point in worrying if you really can't do anything about it. Your brain will thank you. And that weight that you've been carrying around will get lighter and lighter as time passes.

Value your time. Life is worth living, and it is short. Make the best out of each day. Never take a day that you wake up for granted. Being alive is enough cause for celebration. So start celebrating your life, and make each of your days count.

I'm sure there will be a lot more along the way. But those are a few of the things that I've been grateful to learn through this time. I am finally excited to see what life holds for me and look forward to sharing as I go.

Feel free to follow along in any way you'd like (buttons are on the sidebar) if you want to keep up with my journey.  

Have you ever had to learn something the hard way?

Time Management: Learning As We Go

Wow, as I said in one of my last posts, where does the time go?!

These couple of weeks have passed by like a flash of lightning. I don't know where the time went.

With Darren working two jobs now (7 days a week) my days have become full of pretty much all of the parenting duties, and a majority of the household duties (not that I mind, I know he's out there busting his butt so we can move our family forward). It's been quite an adjustment period, but I think we're getting the hang of it.

I was even able to get out a couple of times this week with Emily, on our own. If you are new to my blog and unfamiliar with my struggle with anxiety/depression, you can learn more here.

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. A shopping trip, getting to see a rock legend in concert (can't wait to write my review!), sharing that with my mom, and having my first official night out on my own since having Emily.

All of that being said, it is a HUGE reminder of how time has become especially valuable to me lately. As a mom and partner, as a person managing a health issue, as a sister, daughter, and aunt. But also, as a blogger.

On most days, I wind up with only 3 hours total to dedicate to blogging. Some during nap time (if that even happens. Lately, not so much). Some after Emily goes to bed. Those 3 hours provide me time to go through emails, respond to those that need it, check my social media, link up the giveaways I'm promoting, (squeeze in an uninterrupted shower), maybe write a post if I'm lucky, and then the little one is awake, or it's reached the point where I know I need to call it a night.

When I first started my blog, I made a mistake that I think a lot of new bloggers make. I started pitching to several companies, and finding new opportunities, new groups to join, new websites to join for items to review, because I thought it would be so hard to get someone to work with a new blogger like myself. I pitched so much, and applied for so many opportunities, not at all expecting to get a response. But, lo and behold, I got an overwhelming response and am still catching up from it!

I'm learning that I have to become more selective with the items that I accept for review. I understand, now, just how much time goes into each of these reviews. And that even though I can squeeze in time to test the products, it was a lot harder to squeeze in QUIET time to write.

I don't know about anybody else, but for me, I can't write a full sentence when I have a two year old that just wants me to draw "pretty hearts" for her. Nor, do I think it's fair to the businesses I'm reviewing for to even try to write under those circumstances. I strongly believe that if I can't give you my full attention in my writing or testing process, I'm not giving you the best work possible. And that's what I want to put forward. EVERY time.

There are several businesses that I've had to contact and apologize to, because after trying their product, I just didn't feel like I could dedicate the time to writing a quality review for them. If I am going to write about something, I have to be able to put my heart into it. Otherwise, there is no drive there, and no passion. If you're product doesn't speak to me and I can't write you a quality review, I will let you know, and give you constructive criticism. Plain and simple. I think that's fair.

For those that are patiently awaiting my reviews, I extend my gratitude for your patience. It is very much appreciated, and will not be taken advantage of. Really, to all people that I work with, now or in the future, or have worked with past: You can feel comfortable knowing that I do all that I can every day. If I didn't put forth my best effort everyday, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. And I can proudly say that I do that now. After years of avoiding mirrors, I can finally look myself in the eye.

Change Your Hair, Change Your Life!

It's amazing how a new 'do can change how you feel on the inside. It's been just about 2 weeks since I visited the Aura Hair Salon over at our local shopping centre, Kildonan Place. Managing Partner, Dan Potenza and Senior Stylist, Amy Nilsson were very kind to offer their assistance in my transformation.

For the longest time, at least 12 years ago, I started thinking about experimenting with different hair colours: blonds, reds, purples, blues...You name it. A few things held me back; mainly my confidence and money. I didn't think that I could "pull off" being a blond, or a redhead. I suppose I was afraid of the attention I'd draw towards myself if I couldn't blend in with my regular hair. It's okay to be afraid, but I decided over the years that it's NOT okay to let that fear hold me back from being who I see myself as. So I decided to take a few steps forward.

 Old Me

The trip over to Aura was one of those bounce-your-leg, bite-your-nails sorts of anticipation. Walking up to the reception desk took a lot of courage, and I had to fight the instinct to run away when the woman behind the counter asked me how I was, and who I was there to see that day.

Since I was a few minutes early, Amy was finishing up with her previous client, so I sat and waited in the little waiting area.

"Fashion or Trash?" I heard someone say, in reference to some magazines. That made me smile and automatically I knew I felt at home there. Sure enough that someone happened to be Amy!

I had brought along a few pictures of hairstyles I liked, as she had suggested over the phone. Amy was so helpful, letting me know the ups and downs with each pictured style. Not once did I feel bad about not knowing the hair lingo. We decided on the one that would require the lowest amount of maintenance.  Since I'm a Mom with a toddler, this was probably the single most important deciding factor when it came to choosing my style.

Amy was very knowledgeable and shared with me some important information, and some great suggestions. One of which being to go with highlights over just dying my whole head. Benefits were a more natural look and no hard skunk stripe when my roots start coming in. Plus I have to go back to get them touched up less often. Money savings? Sounded good to me! She was also very personable, friendly and welcoming. We shared family stories back and forth and chatted up a storm. I was surprised to find out that she's gotten to travel south of the border for extra training! I always thought once you were certified that was it, but found it incredibly comforting that she keeps educating herself further.

Towards the end, I started getting extremely nervous about how I should say goodbye, what kinds of questions should I be asking her, Should I be asking questions? etc etc. But when she started blowdrying my hair and doing the cut, I could barely believe my eyes! The person staring back at me seemed so different from the person that was there only a couple hours before.

My favourite, well one of my favourite, parts of this entire experience was getting to donate my hair! I was absolutely delighted when she informed me that I can donate my hair. That's something that I've always wanted to do. I didn't think my hair was nearly long enough for that, but it was, and since it was untreated, it was acceptable. That made me feel so amazing and was totally unexpected! I will never forget the feeling of that smile that came across my face at that moment.

Overall, I loved this experience, and don't know why I waited so long to do it. Going to a professional, especially going from brown to blond, has been invaluable. It was an amazing feeling to pamper myself, and to allow myself a change for once. I would encourage everyone who puts themselves on the bottom of the totem pole to let yourself be treated too! Taking care of my outside has helped me on the inside. I only hope you find the same comfort I did.

If you are from Winnipeg or are in the Winnipeg area and are in need of Haircare, I would strongly recommend Aura in Kildonan Place Shopping Centre. Not only do they take care of your Hair needs, but your Skin and Nail needs too! The whole team was warm and friendly, but Amy was especially great. My hat (if I wore one) goes off to her and we will be seeing each other again in about 4 or 5 weeks :)

Pictured: Amy Nilsson, New Me :)

I would like to say Thank You to Dan and Amy both at Aura - Kildonan Place for all of your help! You can find Aura on their Website or on Facebook. 

Disclosure: Services were provided to me at no charge in exchange for this review.

Life with IBS, Anxiety and Depression

To say that I've struggled with IBS, anxiety and depression is a huge understatement. In the past ten years, there have been many trips to the emergency rooms, well over 20 different medications, and there's been me, going from someone who had a little bit of confidence, to someone who had none. I've seen myself go from a healthy, intelligent teenage girl, to someone so unsure of herself that it physically makes her ill as an adult. I have hid pretty much my entire life and have missed out on a lot. I've lost a lot of great friends along the way (if only I knew how to be a friend....but that will be another post). It got to the point where I was actually afraid to leave my house. 'Slight Agoraphobia' my doctor wrote one time. It's really hard to cope with that situation when you know deep down that that's not you. That extremely fearful, overly conscientious, ridiculously polite girl that doesn't speak her mind....that's just not me! I had lost all sense of adventure, all sense of what truly makes me happy as a human being, and all sense of hope for getting better.

Over the past half a year or so, things have started to turn around. It's really hard to put my finger on exactly what has been helping me, but so far I feel like I've identified a few things:

• Emily. Our daughter has this way of putting things into perspective for us. She helps us decide what truly matters in this life of ours, every day. Watching her learn how to walk was eye opening for me, in particular. To see a living thing,  grow from needing support all of the time, to needing support standing, and then to being able to take one step at a time until out of the blue one day they can walk on their own, was just amazing to me. It reaffirmed what I already knew: that it just takes a little bit of work each day to get to where you want to be. As long as you know whereabouts you want to go, all it takes is a little more determination today, than you had yesterday. :)
• Exercise. Exercise was a scary word for me. I would hear it, and think ugh....sweaty hard work, going to wind up feeling light headed, sick and out of energy for the rest of the day. But now I realize that exercise doesn't mean going to the gym for an hour or two...I mean it can, but not always.  For me, I prefer to go on really long, exploratory walks. Instead of taking the bus to where we want to go, recently we've been walking. It's improving the way I feel everyday, and knowing that as long as I put in a little more effort today than I did the day before has made a big impact. It's also been a great way for my husband and I to have little (free) adventures of our own.
• Changing my diet. Yes diet, another scary word. But for me it hasn't so much been about following any specific diet, just about making a few different choices. For example, for our dairy products, we always choose the light, or lower fat version. Yes, fat free sour cream doesn't taste as good as the one with 14% fat....but I'm definitely willing to sacrifice a little taste to know that I'm a lot healthier because of it. I have also been making sure to actually eat. It makes a difference, and a lot of the times I wasn't eating until dinner time. I'd usually wind up sick by that hour. In the morning, even though I still feel a little iffy some mornings, I try and make myself drink a smoothie for some energy through the day. So far with Diet and Exercise I'm down about 10 pounds. 
• Finding what makes me happy. That has been the biggest challenge, but then I just figured I'd go back to the basics. I thought about it and figured what better place to start than when I was the happiest in my life.  I went all the way back to when I was around 8 and 9 years old. I had lots of friends, I did well in school, I always tried at everything I did. I wanted to be a teacher, a writer or an artist. I enjoyed reading, writing, creating art, and going on adventures, exploring the unknown, swimming, riding my bike, stuff like that....the simple stuff. I started reading again, and writing, and creating. The adventures and exploring part have been more recently reawakened. I am still really hesitant to get on a bike...but we'll get there :)  My advice to others out there trying to find their way....As long as you're not hurting anyone, do what makes you happy! Everything else will fall into place as it comes at you. 

It takes a lot to sit down and figure out who you actually want to be, who you see yourself as, where you want to be..all of those things. It's probably one of the hardest questions in life, Who am I? One I am assuming every human being has asked themselves at one point or another. Something I've been thinking about for a long time, since about 16 years old. I am a free spirited person. I truly love people (even though I am extremely fearful of them) and I believe in telling the truth, no matter how ugly it may be. Those are just a few things I've come to learn and accept about myself.

Years later, I am still trying to figure that answer out a hundred percent, but at least now I have a bit of an understanding and I'm being a little more proactive in making it so, instead of just saying that I want these things.

Over the next few months I'll be making over my outside to match the inside. I want to look like I feel. It starts with the hair :) For the longest time, I've wanted to experiment with fun colours, so I'll be going blonde for the first time in my life. I have no idea how I'll look, and I've always been afraid of it. So I figured here goes nothing, and I don't want to wonder about it for the rest of my life. Next will be a tattoo, to symbolize my mantra for life: Let it Be. It's something I tell myself over and over, reminding myself that there is only so much in this life for me to control. Everything else, I just need to take it stride.

I will be sharing this journey step by step and hope that maybe it will help someone else out there struggling through something similar.  You may feel stuck now, but it does get better :)

Have you had any experiences with IBS, anxiety or depression? What helped you through?